Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
