thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
