I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
