I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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