every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
