you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Randomize
