There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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