i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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