ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
