You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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