I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
