You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
