I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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