I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
