I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
