1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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