it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
