Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
