i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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