Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Randomize
