You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
