I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
