i don't like sucking hair
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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