I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Can I color on your dick again?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize