Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Thank you for not boning my boss.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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