There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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