Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
