dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Couch. On fire.
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