But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
