we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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