i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i think i have two assholes
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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