You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize