You're my little dorito
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
