I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
