pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
