This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
