**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
