yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
