You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
