I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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