I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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