There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
