I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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