i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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