I just saw a hot homeless man
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
