I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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