just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
