he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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