Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
