So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
