Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
