we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
