We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
