In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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