my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
