Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
