Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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