Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
