some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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