So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
