girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
