you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
