Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
