That's intense
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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