used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
this will be a night to untag.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
