So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I think I sprained my soul last night
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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