I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
